The world’s greatest asset- or possible weapon depending on your use of it- is word power. The fact that we can communicate thoughts and feelings through speaking and writing illustrates an ability that we have over any other animal. We’ve used communication to rise above in the face of tragedy such as 9-11 and pull us through the years of the Great Depression. Words saw a loner run roughshod during the late 1930’s and early 40’s in Germany, trying to create his own unique race.
I’m well aware of the power of words. I try to use them very carefully around my children, for they key in so much on particular negative words or phrases and instead of listening to complete sentences, go off on my wife and I emotionally because of their perceptions of what was said.
This afternoon after taking my daughter to a doctor’s visit, I told her she had to sit down on the couch and rest. After re-directing her to the couch, I spoke with my wife on the phone and she immediately told her that she feels unsafe around me. I only used my words to re-direct her. I did not raise my voice. I did not touch her physically.
However she is aware of the power of her words. She knows certain words and phrases will get everyone’s attention. I’m the one that is looked at as crazy if I’m embarassed or out of sorts because of how she’s making me feel. I wonder if she will ever want me as a father in her life. I didn’t adopt her to have her spend years putting me through her pain. I wonder when my life will get back to a normal pace.
I’m aware of the fact that change can only happen if the person wants to change. How can someone be stuck in such a negative pattern, as if they are circling in an airplane yet unwillingly to take a risk and land the plane safely? When will the truth come out and the lies subside? How much more can I extend of myself before I reach a breaking point, where I feel like giving up and throwing in the towel?
I realize this wouldn’t be fair to my oldest daughter or my wife. We are all going through this same experience together. I feel like this young girl doesn’t want to change, has given up on adults as proper caregivers and only believes that she can depend solely on herself for her own needs.
Tomorrow will be her next weekly therapy session, and I end up using the time as much for my own sanity as for her lack of desire to change the situation. I’m currently at the library as I’ve decided that if she wants to be unhappy, that certainly can be her choice, but I do have the right to do something to make me happy. Being around other people and being around stacks and stacks of books with computer wi-fi access makes me smile.
When will the testing be over? Hasn’t 3 1/2 years of day in, day out care shown her that we will be there for the rest of her life? At what point does she decide to be an active, willing participant in a family and get off of the sidelines to get in the game of life?
So be aware of your word power- and use it wisely. When your children are arguing with you before you even complete a sentence, it’s ok to evoke the power of silence. There’s nothing wrong with putting up a fence and letting their painful barbs bounce back at them without retorts.
Have a good day everyone, thank you for reading this.