When it comes to love, a multitude of thoughts go around. I spent years searching for it, longing for it, thinking that the world was conspiring against me and that I would never receive love in the way I desired. Little did I know that when it comes to love, you first have to be true to yourself before you will ever attract the love of your life.
Throughout my teen years and into college, I wasn’t what you would term a ladies man. I could count the number of people I dated on both of my hands- minus my thumbs. The longest relationship I sustained was one month. Even though I had many women as good friends, sometimes best friends, at points in my life, I was like a fish out of water when it came to dating rituals.
After I finished college I went to work for a couple of years as a private school teacher. As I got to know more about what I wanted out of life, I did some reflecting and searching within myself. I studied other friends who had successful relationships and asked myself the tough questions.
What makes them attractive and me not so attractive? Am I trying too hard to get love to come my way? What do they have in life that I don’t have?
I reached a point in my life where I knew the answer. You can’t find someone to complete you unless you already are complete within yourself. You have to be happy with who you are and where you are in life. It’s no one else’s job to fix your past mistakes or take your previous baggage on.
As soon as I came to that understanding, love came when I least expected it. Late one night after a long Saturday deejaying two shows with my partner Mike, I came home and still had music blarring in my head. I went into a chat room on the Yahoo forums and spoke to a woman who was unhappy that no one acknowledged her birthday. She picked on me about graduating from Murdock high, and later revealed she spent 2 years in Gardner at one point. We spoke in a private one to one chat sending IM’s for 3 hours.
By the time I got off line I couldn’t wait to send her another email. We wrote back and forth for a few days- then I got up the courage to call her at the hospital she worked at. That weekend we went on a short first date at a restaurant in a local mall. We knew we were perfect for each other. She brought out more of a fun nature and an outgoing side for me- and I represented the steady rock and nice guy she’d always wanted. We’ve now been married for 8 awesome years.
The key I remembered was I didn’t force things- I let nature take it’s course naturally. Love comes around you when you least expect it. The signs are there- you just have to be ready to read them, no matter how subtle or obvious.
Right now we face the same situation with our adopted children. We can’t force love upon them- but we can model what love feels like and hope that when they are ready to fully commit to us as their parents, they’ll know what true love is. I believe my oldest daughter knows what love should be about- but my youngest still has a ways to go to resolve the conflicts in her mind and heart between the past and present.
I’m passionate about reading, I’m passionate about music, I’m passionate about bowling and passionate about continual learning every single day. Passion can lead to love- yet sustaining love needs to be a moment to moment, day by day process. We never stay the same- some aspect of our world evolves and we must respond appropriately.
It’s my hope that everyone reading this has love in their life- even if it’s loving and respecting yourself. Do something that makes you smile and takes your worries away. Everyone deserves love- it’s a universal concept that keeps us alive.