I’ve talked about relationships in previous blog entries- so this time I want to delve a little bit into the art of chemistry. How do you know when you have it? How long does it take to develop? Can there be a way that you attain the right balance and then lose it all of a sudden?
My wife and I knew from our first interactions with both of our daughters that they were meant to live with us and we would be a forever family. Even though they both have distinct personalities, we could tell by the way they felt comfortable with our interactions and how we were able to communicate that even through any of the hard times, we would survive and thrive as a family. Social workers and staff from their previous placements wanted us to be certain of our decisions- and we knew within the first week for each daughter that this would be the right chemistry we needed. Are there times we feel the tug of war could break us? Possibly- but then one of us will crack a smile or tell a funny memory or even remember all of the years we’ve put in and know that when you make a commitment with people, you don’t break it just because you feel like it. The bonds of attachment last forever, and these children need to understand that successful relationships have their ups and downs, ebbs and flows and with the highest of highs you need to learn to handle the lows as well.
I’ve been on dozens of teams with bowling. The times where we struggled for a season, individuals were much more concerned about their own personal goals and stats than what was necessary for the team to succeed. You have to learn to leave your personal problems outside the bowling center and come down to practice focused and ready to practice with a willingness to learn. I learned that even when I don’t have my “A” game, I can be there as a cheerleader and fill the frames the best way that I can so that I become a part of the bottom line. The best teams I’ve been on have a combination of care, concern, heart, passion and enthusiasm. We trust each other, look for transitions and have a willingness to accept help when necessary to achieve the overall goal of more wins than losses.
When it comes to music, chemistry is essential for overall success. Not only in terms of style, songwriting and performance, but also within the members of the group. Everyone has to be willing to be on the same page as far as where they would like to go- whether they want to be on a record label or not, how often to play shows, how to handle the finances within the band, who will be responsible for talking to the press, promoters, management, etc. To often as bands gain success, members struggle with power, control and where their priorities may be. Communication is key and once again a willingness to remember why you got into music in the first place. The bands with the longest careers learn that you have to sacrifice some of your individual wishes in order to achieve worldwide dreams.
You can’t expect everyone to have the same dream in the same way when you work within relationships as a team. It’s important to check in with people and take in their thoughts, their opinions, their concerns and get them out in the open before it reaches the point of no return. If you are afraid of vocalizing your thoughts, write them down. Understand that the power of two or more expands into a much more impressive force- as long as the train is running in the same direction.
Also don’t be afraid to question and seek out a person’s beliefs and motives with their career and their dreams. You want to make sure you associate with people who will foster great chemistry and lift you up to greatness, not bring you down because of jealousy, envy or bitterness. I am a person who goes in whole heartedly- so I do spend a lot of time observing, studying and asking questions before I make a commitment. It’s better than dipping my toes in the water and wondering why I never seem to go in the direction I desire.
Take the time and look at your best relationships. See what makes them so great, and see if you can apply this method to another area of your life that you want success in. Being a parent, being at a job, playing in sports or hobbies- there’s always chemistry of some sort involved. I want to see you win at the game of life!