Have you ever thought about what’s really holding you back from achieving all that you desire in your life? Are there certain fears of abandonment, expectation, heights, loss, or self-worth that just weigh you down and keep you away from taking the risk or life change that you need at this point in time? When looking at these two questions, so many times you can pinpoint a particular memory or series of memories- that if you could just re-write the picture in your mind or change the volume- you would control your perception and be able to make major breakthroughs for your personality, your work ethic and in general become a much more content and happy individual.
My oldest daughter currently struggles with flashbacks to her younger days with her birth family- and they aren’t safe memories. She’s working with her therapist to process the feelings and emotions behind the flashbacks- but she has a state of mind right now that she’s not really worthy of being in our family. It’s as if she believes that she could have changed the picture back then and protected herself.
We are patient and reassuring as she wants to bury her head in a pillow. She doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping in her bed. If my wife and I could go back and re-write the past before she lived with us, we wish we could. What we do tell her though is she has to be willing to forgive herself for what happened. The adults in her life at that time made poor choices, choices that as a child she had no control over. I believe though you can take the picture in your mind and distort the frame, change up the volume and the voices to the point where the images no longer control you, but you are in control of the images.
I’ve had memories come out in dreams from my childhood as well- both good and bad. Based on my experiences though, I’ve learned that I can’t let the bad memories outweigh the good things that have happened and will continue to happen in my life. I have a wonderful wife, I have great children, I have loving and caring family and friends surrounding me, I have my health, my spirit and a work ethic that moves me to learn more, share more and care more.
Why do we study history in school? To learn from the past and discover what works and what can be improved upon with this great Earth and the people who populate it. If a memory really appears to be taking control of who you are, do not be afraid to seek out a therapist trained to help you with those issues. Do not be afraid to write out what you know on paper in vivid detail to see if you can gain some distance from this. Maybe even dictating into a small recorder if you don’t feel comfort writing things out. There have even been times that people will draw pictures to gain clarity and distance from these memories- I remember my youngest daughter spent months getting her troubling images out in this manner.
What can be frustrating is people who appear victimized by their past. They don’t believe things can ever get better, so why bother going at things from a new tact. I’ve learned from Mark Victor Hansen, Jim Rohn, Brian Tracy and hundreds of other personal development writers this clear concept: there’s always a way to solve your challenges. You may have to ask better questions. You may have to seek out the right help. You may have to make numerous attempts. If you want the memory to fade, you have to be willing to change.
I hope you have a wonderful day!