Let me tell you as an adoptive parent, the toughest days are therapy days. That is, if your children are willing to work on their issues. As my daughters get older, they want to work at their own pace- meaning some weeks the sessions go smoothly, while other sessions are like pulling teeth. When the girls get home from school, they know they have to go but want to argue with me about everything under the sun and see if getting me angry will stop me from driving out to therapy.
Then when we get home, once they’ve had dinner, the usual nitpicking back and forth continues once again. This time my youngest daughter was quick to point out that we don’t have any idea how to handle a small ankle sprain. Apparently our ability to access injuries having 6 years of experience with at least one of these children under our belts doesn’t matter. She truly believes that she can diagnosis herself better than we can- and when we try to make her see the severity and ridiculousness of her ways, I’m being referred to as “dude” in conversation.
The oldest one attempts to intercede- and we inform her that every time she does this, it makes the matter much more difficult to deflate. See when it comes to attention seeking behavior- riling everyone else up only fuels the fire for our children. They want to see other people get in trouble, lose their cool, and act like they are a puppeteer putting on a show for the world to enjoy.
At least it’s down to only a couple of times a week. When our youngest first moved into the house, we experienced this turmoil two to three times a day. Her therapist reminds us that much of what’s going on has to do with her general disposition in personality- but we also know that a fair share of this battling of wills boils down to trust. She doesn’t trust us- thus even the littlest thing sets her off back to her traumatic past when her birth family wasn’t able to take care of those basic needs.
I feel like my life is a reality show waiting to be broadcast on live television. You couldn’t get soap opera writers to come up with better plot lines. My sense of humor and my patience keep me sane. I wonder what life will be like for them when they start to develop outside relationships with co-workers, with friends, with boyfriends. We as parents know what they are like- but I wonder if they’ll be able to handle people not sticking around as a lot of people just can’t handle that much negativity and discord in their lives.
I’m so glad that I have this platform to vent to a certain extent. When my wife and I chose our children to come into our world, we knew that we would have to become well versed in the art of communication and debate. Having smart children can be a blessing and a curse. They’ve spent so much time manipulating situations in their favor- they feel like they must continue on that same path even with the great family in her life.
To be continued… I’m sure there will be another hundred entries in this category and I’ll keep everyone filled in on the amusement park scenery.