I Want To Know What Love Is…

What a tough day in our household. Therapy day normally isn’t the most favored activity on my daughters’ schedules. They know they have to work out their pasts and also handle their present, but it’s not fun week after week listening to your own life story and juggling the ensuing feelings. I didn’t expect though that arriving home would cause the girls to just explode- and once again I had to be the peacemaker as best as possible.

I get the fact that my youngest wants the perfect family. Yet the crux of the issue lies in her lack of self-worth. She’s unwilling to follow easy instructions. She marches to her own beat when it comes to communication. She’d rather accuse you of having an issue than look within herself and witness the choices she’s making that are creating her current outlook on life.

How do you teach someone about love? It’s not an activity I believe you can merely gain superior knowledge in through a book. Is love something that we merely feel through our minds and hearts, or do you need total sensory experience through touch, through smells, through eyesight? How do you reignite the spark of trust when a person staunchly believes that they are unlovable?

I realize what also factors into the mix is the holidays. Adoptive children feel intense emotional overload surrounding traditions that emphasize the family. Thousands of doubts, fears and insecurities run through, particularly scenes of happiness as well as despair if something terrible happened during one of those Thanksgivings or Christmases.

When everyone went to bed, my wife and I reminded each other that changes will take place. Whether it’s additional outside support that will come within the home, or if certain members will have to go to other facilities to receive the treatment they need- love will still be present. It’s a shame when you see someone with so much potential who would rather go through life in a passive, non-committal manner than to put their whole heart, soul and body into the game.

It’s a wonder I’m not going crazy. I’m so thankful for everyone I have in my life that helps me stay sane. The gift of music to keep my ears buzzing, the greatness of bowling to throw my energy in a safe direction. The mind which pumps out thoughts that you are reading right now. The books that I read to learn, grow and share with others. I know as Jack Canfield has taught me that no matter what people may do or say to me, I know in my head and heart I’m still a worthwhile person.

The title of this entry may come from the title of the biggest Foreigner hit song, but my hope is that my youngest daughter takes another chance to learn about love from us. 4 years is a long time to stay on the sidelines and feel like you are all alone to face this world. When will that “a-ha” moment hit where she discovers that negativity continues to breed negativity, and that you aren’t permanently unlovable because of the early years of turmoil and chaos.

Wish me luck as the journey continues.


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