Sometimes you have to go through numerous experiences to get the desired result. We are very happy with the current placement of our youngest daughter. It happens to be the same place where we adopted our oldest daughter. Therefore, they understand what it takes to deal with reactive attachment disorder, as well as offering the best services they can to families.
We had a fine meeting with our clinician and our daughter. She asked pertinent questions regarding her past, how things are within the household, the medications she currently takes, what her typical behaviors consist of when she’s out of control, and what we would like to see happen when she returns home. They handed up paperwork for the services they want set up before she returns home- including possible respite care for us as parents.
Our youngest daughter experienced other children and their temper tantrums at this placement so far. They make her feel scared and uncomfortable. For the first time I believe she really understands the impact her tantrums make on all three of us. She wants to come home right now- which tends to be typical of all of her treatment stays. We want her to think though about what solutions she’s willing to stick with if she does act of control in our home again.
We are aware that there is some of this that relates to personality and other components that relate purely to power, control and choice. I’m all for her having a successful, happy and healthy life. We do enjoy her being around when she’s in a relaxing state of mind- not so skittish or hyper sensitive to her surroundings. I think for the first time in a long time we had a productive conversation without her retreating to the corner and acting as if there are no issues to tackle within her life.
The bottom line when it comes to mental health issues? Never give up. If you aren’t happy with the way things are going, seek out the best help and the right help. We know that involving certain parties would not be beneficial to our daughters and may send out a wrong message to them. If something doesn’t work the first time or the tenth time, don’t be afraid to go at it from a different angle. Many people do not understand the community services at their disposal depending on their insurance capabilities.
The longer ride to have her get the best care in our opinion is well worth it. We are willing to go miles out of our way if in the long run we are able to have happier, healthier and stronger children. We’ve been learning when we are overwhelmed and need to have outside help step in. We also know when to take a break for ourselves and pursue our own interests that will then refuel our passion and desire to live and breathe.
You can repair relationships- you just need to know at what pace you can go with the relationship. The bottom line- never give up. There’s always a way above, around, under or in between. Humans are resilient, we have a bounce back factor (thank to John Calipari for this insight out of his new book of the same name, Bounce Back) and our recovery capacity can be quite quick and give us an even stronger life as a result. Share with others your experiences, ask them for their thoughts and see what directional changes you can make for a stronger life and a stronger family.