Prosperity Mindset

February 28, 2010

I got in a great DVD set regarding financial investment and prosperity mindsets. I spent much of my time this afternoon and evening watching material by Bob Proctor and Brian Tracy. One of the consistent techniques I’m learning about is the fact that knowledge alone can not develop the changes you need to be successful in life. If information were the greatest tool in the world, the richest people according to Bob Proctor would be librarians. We need to take knowledge and information and apply a skill set to put this into action.

One of the ideas that really sunk in has to do with debt versus wealth. If we spend most of our time thinking about debt, what do we seem to attract? Where do we put most of our worries upon? Do we see our debt shrinking or increasing? Doesn’t it make more sense that if we want to be out of debt, we need to think more what we desire, which is more financial freedom? Thinking of ways to be more resourceful in making money in the 24 hours a day that we have rather than sacrificing time for money?

If you desire a better lifestyle, look around at the people that you know that are leading that lifestyle and don’t be afraid to ask them questions or study their patterns or behavior to see if you can gain the knowledge and skills necessary to apply this to your life. Find out what books they are reading, what materials they listen to in the car and at home, what trainings and seminars and lectures they go to, what groups they may belong with, and so forth.

Bob Proctor asked two very interesting questions about prosperity. Imagine if you could make in a week what you take home at your regular job monthly. What would you be able to do- where would you be able to live- what kind of house would you own or car would you drive? Would this free up more time for recreation, vacations, and particular hobbies and interests that you didn’t think otherwise you would be able to pursue? The second question would be, imagine if you made what you earn in a year within a month. Once you are able to put those two figures down on paper, think about your skill sets and the multiple sources of income you could generate to obtain those numbers.

Brain Tracy spoke about his years of labor jobs where he would get fired and finally moving his way into a sales career. His first six months he struggled to even make 1 sale a week until he finally went to the best salesman in the company- someone who was doing 5-10 times the volume of sales weekly that he was- and ask the right questions about his presentation skills, and how he accomplished better sales selling the same product. Only with the education and the application did he work his way up to becoming a sales trainer, manager and eventually running his own personal development company among other things.

Now is the time to be resourceful- unleash all of your fantasies on paper and then go about finding the right people who can help you along your dream factory achievement journey. It doesn’t matter your age, your background, your environment- with the right mindset, drive, ambition and action, anything can come clearly into your reality. I’d love to hear some of what you want to accomplish in the next 3 months, 6 months, year or 3-5 years down the road.

If I can help you in any way possible, I will recommend many of the books, CD’s and DVD’s that help me along my path to success and fulfillment. Reach for your ultimate goals- stretch and you’ll grow.


Control- Or Lack Thereof

February 27, 2010

While dancing through the snow this afternoon, we had another therapy session out in the community. We are learning that buckling down may not be beneficial to my youngest daughter in the short term, but I think she’ll learn much more about how to interact successfully with family members in the long run.

We need to limit choice making and take control of what she clearly can’t handle. If she can’t keep her hands, feet and mouth to herself, then we will make decisions for her in many areas of her life. That could delve all the way down to picking out clothes if she can’t handle simple instructions for getting her clothes when asked by my wife. I could be putting her snack out for her when gets home in the afternoon from school- and if she doesn’t like my choice, she just won’t get the snack.

We hear that she’s frustrated. She’s able to keep all of her frustration together at school and in the community, but not within the privacy of our home. She blames everyone else for her actions- instead of looking within herself to see why her choices are giving her the negative results.

Next week the in house therapist will get the chance to see how she is when she first comes home from school. My youngest made it very clear that in her mind, she doesn’t like having a father as a parent. I don’t think she personally hates who I am as a person- she just has no need for a father and hates the position I have within the family. In her ideal world, it would just be my wife and her and no one else.

I have to be strong and not give in to the crying, the whining, the thousands of ways she’ll attempt to break me down in order to win her way in the moment. I’m doing a great disservice if she sees that everyone will give in to her ways if she just spends enough time beating them down with words or actions. She hasn’t earned snacks the past two days, so we are hoping that this will make her really think about matching up her sorrow for poor behavior with making the right choices in the great behavior department for the future.

I’m going to have a great weekend, irregardless of her feelings or behaviors. I’m going to be around my friends and family. My oldest daughter has been very good about expressing her feelings and wants so badly for our youngest to just be a permanent team player in our family. The change is only going to happen though if she wants to change. We need to make her see that the positive rewards outweigh her classic return to negative reinforcement of poor behavior.

It’s almost as if we need to make a bigger deal when she does the right thing and not acknowledge when she does something wrong. She has a skewed view of family love- and we have to be the ones to let her experience the joys and wonders of being in a fun, loving and caring family.

We are taking control. We will get through. The world is a wonderful place. Have a great day and be good to yourself and each other.


Public Versus Private Persona

February 26, 2010

As humans, we may have a tendency to act one way with the people we are closest to and another when we feel like hundreds of eye balls are watching. Sometimes the public versus private persona fails to match up. When we are healthy, I think we recognize when we are acting out of sorts and friends/ family members are willing to give you the benefit of the doubt if you are having a rough patch or a tough day/ week.

In my case, if I could vote for personality adjustment to the betterment of the family, my youngest daughter would be the first in line for this remedy.

When out in the public eye, you would never imagine that this pre-teen has a propensity for frustration and aggression. She’s kind, considerate, aware of her surroundings and in fact very helpful at times. She’ll engage others in conversation and use her manners. In the privacy of our home, our car, or any situation where it’s just myself, my wife and my oldest daughter, she’s been lashing out in terms of almost borderline verbally abusive behavior- taunting, bullying, demanding and in general expressing intense displeasure for us. You never know from one moment to the next if you say a word the wrong way, laugh the wrong way, or even look at her could be the starting point of a full blown rage.

My solution today was simple- she wouldn’t set foot through the doors until our babysitter arrived at the house. In the evening time she gave my wife a hard time when she came home- and as a result didn’t get what she wanted. We’ve been using a tougher approach in the hopes that she’ll see that she can get more out of life if she’s willing to treat people with care and respect, not bowling her way over to get what she wants.

Today we have another visit from our in house therapist. Based on our last session, we have some serious work ahead of us to figure out a plan of care for my youngest daughter. It will be drastically counter-intuitive to how we parent our oldest daughter. Will she resist? Will she think her life is unfair? Do I really care at this point what her opinion is about these matters?

I want my home to feel like a home- and it’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way. I’m glad that my oldest daughter had an enjoyable time with me last night when she came to the bowling center for a little while. I want her to know she does have a happy, engaging father who can show her that life isn’t all about chaos, turbulence and anger-filled tirades from her sister. I have to balance the needs of my oldest while making sure that my youngest doesn’t turn our world upside down.

Is it too much to ask to have her public demeanor match her private demeanor? Acceptance will go a long way to rectify this. We aren’t expecting permanent attachment at this point- we want compliance to basic household rules. Asking permission. Listening. Keeping voices at a normal level and tone. No hitting, no punching, no kicking, no biting, and less losing your cool in a full blown tantrum manner.

I will survive. I take life one step at a time. I’m thankful for all of my family, my friends, my teammates, the numerous therapists, clinicians and supports who are helping us get through things. We do not give up.


Verbal Economics

February 25, 2010

Yes, I’m inventing a new term. Verbal economics. What does this consist of? Communication in five words or less. Not easy to do in terms of my speaking. Why are we implementing such drastic changes?

My youngest daughter thinks I lecture too much. When I’m explaining what I want, I guess I ramble on a little bit. So, I need to be tighter with my language and thus five words or less will be my new motto to her.

What are the advantages to this? Oh, I believe my frustration level will decrease. I can save my throat and lungs from unnecessary exposure. And it will make me think before I say something I could confuse her with.

Tonight once again we went through an up and down evening of interaction. We didn’t realize that asking her to be kind, to not yell and to be respectful would be so challenging on a day off from school. At this point, the sound of my voice can be like nails on a chalkboard to her.

We aren’t giving up though. We modify, we look at a new way of handling things, and we don’t give in. Our in house therapist would be proud because despite her antics, she really tried hard for an hour to get an evening snack, which we didn’t let her have. When you are rude and disrespectful, threaten to throw items at parents and so forth, what’s the sense in giving her something that is not a necessity in terms of her food consumption?

Tomorrow and Friday we’ll make another plan for her time at home. Since she’s having so much of a challenge keeping her frustration level under control in our apartment, I think we’ll minimize the amount of time she spends her waking hours around that environment. I can find plenty of outings in our local community to keep myself entertained.

It’s interesting to note that she admitted to her outside therapist that her behavior is consistent with believing that we are mere foster parents and that the court only sees us as guardians. We’ve told her numerous times she’s permanently adopted and we have complete custody of her, but I don’t think in her head and heart she’s made that connection yet- to us, to herself, or to anyone else.

Am I saddened by this prospect of knowing that a mother/father/daughter connection really doesn’t exist from her perspective? I think so. I didn’t imagine having to develop two different sets of parenting rules and plans for both my daughters. I always hoped the second would learn from the first and everything would fall into place. But we are dealing with a young girl who’s growing up believing that she never was a good kid, and how can she trust any parents on any level?

I welcome any five words or less suggestions you may have. Outside of the obvious one or two word phrases, I’m sure I can come up with appropriate sentences that will be quick and precise. Until next time, I thank you for your time reading this and your support.


Parental Democracy

February 24, 2010

We had an excellent in house session with our therapist. Then again, we had to modify the environment this time for the session, as my youngest daughter had a struggle with interacting with me this afternoon at home. You ever have a sense that something appears off in the way people are talking to you or looking at you, and that no matter how much you want for the situation to work out in your favor it just doesn’t? Welcome to my afternoon.

I won’t dwell on the details- it was a combination of struggling to listen to directions, a series of verbal attacks on myself and my oldest daughter followed by a tantrum. We had to leave the house and I didn’t feel like coming back anytime soon, so our in house therapist met us out at a local bookstore. We spent an hour discussing the problems and possible solutions- yet our youngest didn’t want to be an active part of the discussion.

As a result, we may have to change the way we handle matters in the home. The therapist let her know that if she doesn’t want to make the effort to be a part of the family, that we may have to run her care much like a group home. My youngest has ideas for what seems to be wrong in everyone else’s behavior- but unwilling to work on this in her own life. She’s supposed to work on her ideal family plan until our next session.

She didn’t like hearing that there’s no democracy within a family right now for her. She needs to accept her role as a sister and daughter. Everyone seems to be doing a lot more work as she sits in the background, complaining about what she doesn’t like or doesn’t want but doesn’t know how to get herself out of this mess. It’s as if the only way to show if she cares is by watching chaos swirl around and making everyone else unhappy in her immediate family.

I’m glad that outside resources are realizing that we have a huge challenge on our hands. My job is to figure out a more effective communication style that probably differs from how our oldest is. The therapist wanted my oldest daughter to explain why she accepts us as her parents and doesn’t fight as much anymore. She realizes that the love, care and support she desires is there and we fulfill her needs, so she’s fine with this. We all want our youngest to do the same, but I guess it’s going to happen when she feels ready. Change only happens when the person or the desire is strong enough to do it.

Until next time, realize that you are doing a great disservice if you cater to your child’s every want and need. Respect, listening, communication, and tone of voice really matter. Don’t hesitate to ask your children what they notice about you and what they think they would like for an ideal family. Be prepared to hold your children to those same standards that they want from you. It’s a continual work in progress.


15 Minutes For Sustainable Change

February 23, 2010

I watched a Jim Cathcart DVD regarding his relationship selling model. At the end of his presentation he talks about the concept of devoting 15 minutes a day to study your preferred niche of comfort that you want to become an expert in. He feels that if you consistently put in that minimal effort, 5 days a week for 52 weeks a year, within 3 years you will become a domestic expert in that niche and within 5 years you would become an international expert.

15 minutes for sustainable change? I think we can all spare a quarter of an hour a day to devote to interviewing someone in that particular niche, reading the best and latest articles about the field, obtaining knowledge and information through whatever means necessary to position ourselves as the professor of that field of study.

What’s so great about being the expert you ask? What if people paid you based on your knowledge and experience with that niche? If you knew a field like sports psychology inside and out, imagine the types of services you could offer locally and remotely! Imagine if you joined the right groups and partnered up with other like minded individuals to create an even broader base of networking and resources?

I didn’t become great at anything by just wishing, hoping and dreaming. Sure visualization is important- I agree with Jack Canfield when he says if you can see it, you can achieve it, and that there are times where you have to begin at the end and work your way back to map out the steps it will take. But when it came to the areas that come easy to me- writing, reading, bowling, reviewing music, interviewing bands- I used a multiple prong approach of observation, study, asking the experts and then just getting out there and putting in the hours to achieve more of what I wanted.

We are inundated with resources and tools at our fingertips. Don’t be afraid to ask other people if they know ways you can go about getting the right ingredients you need in forming your niche recipe. The will to do it is not enough to make it through- you need to put one foot in front of the other, pound the pavement and do the hard work to reap the rewards. Do not let lack of anything get in your way- allow inspiration and guidance to weave its way into your life.

Don’t take anyone for granted. If you ask enough people, the doors will open for you and I think you’ll be surprised at the turn of events. Suddenly ideas and insights will come to you that never appeared weeks or months before. Creativity is an aspect of life that can be unleashed at any time- it doesn’t know a particular age limit. How do people get in shape? 15 minutes at a time… they can slow climb up the ladder to longer workouts, but it starts with an initial 15 minute burst.

Take that ultimate goal for 2010, put it on a 3 x 5 card and laminate it to carry around in your pocket with you at all times. Be sure to look at this multiple times a day and you’ll be surprised where you conscious and unconscious mind takes you. Good luck in the pursuit of sustainable change to achieve all of your dreams.


High School Blues

February 22, 2010

Naturally when you see your own children going through the same events you went through in high school, it brings back feelings of your own struggles, insecurities and fears of those times. My daughter wants to bad to fit in, and she’s watching her friends gain boyfriends and relationships, something she wants badly for herself. My wife and I can relate to these times so much.

As anyone knows my schooling history, I wouldn’t exactly call myself a “ladies man”. I can count the number of boyfriend/ girlfriend relationships I had in high school safely on one hand- probably with a leftover or two. I didn’t struggle with friendships- I had plenty of those. A lot of times I didn’t understand the signals of when to ask people on dates, let alone keeping a girlfriend for longer than a couple of months. If people want to look at many of my early pictures, there are plenty on various social media websites to share.

What I did get across to my daughters (as did my wife) is that high school can be a tough time with peer relationships and finding oneself, and that things will be different when they enter adulthood. I know it’s probably disconcerting news as they go through this, but I promised that things will get better. Do I wish I could wave a magic wand and make things better? Of course… but I can’t because they need to go through these experiences themselves.

The best piece of advice I could give my daughters was the happiness and great qualities they exhibit within their personalities need to shine around their peers. People sense contentment and confidence. They like to be around people who are nice, who are willing to listen and who take an interest in them. I found that the more that I tried to gain a girlfriend, the less that ever happened for me.

So when your children come to you with the school blues of any sort, be willing to listen and offer them support. Emphasize the unique qualities they have and reassure them that they aren’t the only ones going through these same situations. It’s a natural stage of development in order to truly find oneself. College seems to make a difference, as well as when people move on from their family and live on their own.

Maybe these feelings are coming back due to the end of school vacation and the fact that my oldest once again will see boys and girls paired off, making her feel like a third wheel. Coming from that same experience, it made me focus on doing things that made me happy and being around a diverse peer group. It may have taken me longer to find the love of my life, but I know the years of waiting and working on myself were worth it.

Any other suggestions you may have for my daughters? I would welcome feedback as well as what seemed to work well if you went through these similar feelings or experiences.