Control- Or Lack Thereof

While dancing through the snow this afternoon, we had another therapy session out in the community. We are learning that buckling down may not be beneficial to my youngest daughter in the short term, but I think she’ll learn much more about how to interact successfully with family members in the long run.

We need to limit choice making and take control of what she clearly can’t handle. If she can’t keep her hands, feet and mouth to herself, then we will make decisions for her in many areas of her life. That could delve all the way down to picking out clothes if she can’t handle simple instructions for getting her clothes when asked by my wife. I could be putting her snack out for her when gets home in the afternoon from school- and if she doesn’t like my choice, she just won’t get the snack.

We hear that she’s frustrated. She’s able to keep all of her frustration together at school and in the community, but not within the privacy of our home. She blames everyone else for her actions- instead of looking within herself to see why her choices are giving her the negative results.

Next week the in house therapist will get the chance to see how she is when she first comes home from school. My youngest made it very clear that in her mind, she doesn’t like having a father as a parent. I don’t think she personally hates who I am as a person- she just has no need for a father and hates the position I have within the family. In her ideal world, it would just be my wife and her and no one else.

I have to be strong and not give in to the crying, the whining, the thousands of ways she’ll attempt to break me down in order to win her way in the moment. I’m doing a great disservice if she sees that everyone will give in to her ways if she just spends enough time beating them down with words or actions. She hasn’t earned snacks the past two days, so we are hoping that this will make her really think about matching up her sorrow for poor behavior with making the right choices in the great behavior department for the future.

I’m going to have a great weekend, irregardless of her feelings or behaviors. I’m going to be around my friends and family. My oldest daughter has been very good about expressing her feelings and wants so badly for our youngest to just be a permanent team player in our family. The change is only going to happen though if she wants to change. We need to make her see that the positive rewards outweigh her classic return to negative reinforcement of poor behavior.

It’s almost as if we need to make a bigger deal when she does the right thing and not acknowledge when she does something wrong. She has a skewed view of family love- and we have to be the ones to let her experience the joys and wonders of being in a fun, loving and caring family.

We are taking control. We will get through. The world is a wonderful place. Have a great day and be good to yourself and each other.


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