We’ve been experiencing quite the rain fall in our part of America. I’m normally not used to traveling through flooded streets of water, as we get 4-6 inches of rain over the course of 72 hours. It’s been a rough daily stretch around the house. We have a child who right now is making life very difficult for the rest of us.
She doesn’t want to face reality. She wants to place the blame on everyone else around her. She’s now reaching the point where she doesn’t care who sees certain aspects of this behavior. We had a long conversation with her therapist and I realized that I have to separate the fact that she’s struggling within her own body, and that my interaction has to be more from a human perspective rather than a daughter perspective.
We have gone back to basics again. We inform her of what we expect moment to moment. If she isn’t willing to comply, the onus is on her. She’s not going to make us feel like we are at fault for her current life situation. That’s the easy way to handle things- push people aside and place the blame on everything else around you.
I need to remember what will make me happy. I can’t take out my frustration on my family. I need to distract myself to get things better. I can’t let someone’s bitterness about life pull me down. When they are ready to see that they have the biggest part in how their life is turning out, maybe they will settle down, settle in and focus on enjoying life. But I can’t make that happen- it has to occur within the heart and mind of the other person.
When people have baggage, it’s easy for them to claim that if they lived somewhere else, in another time, with another family, their life would be better. Realize that your problems or issues go with you wherever you go. If you haven’t had good relationships in the past, the only way to make things better is to look at yourself and see what part you play in the development of the relationship.
On another note, I’ve been reading a great book regarding giving of yourself and charity called The Power of Half. It’s one thing to give contributions to society, but it’s another to really make a conscious effort to cut back and place the money into the hands of people who can really make a change within their world. I’m thankful that I have great friends and family who’ve been willing to give me their time and support as I go through all of the events and turmoil in our lives.
I keep looking for the huge life lesson in all of this. I know we may not get the answer to how we are doing as parents until they have moved away and start their own families. I know my wife and I are putting in the full commitment to get her everything she needs, it’s now a question of when she’ll finally take that life line and grab it for all it’s worth.