Well, we are back once again with a daughter for a psych evaluation. It’s like a routine drill at this point. We want peace to hit our household, and it doesn’t seem to occur. All the positive environment and structure that we put in place doesn’t matter if a person is unwilling to buy into the family dynamic. Especially when they feel that they’ve been wronged by caregivers in the past and every time they are faced with stress, revert back to what they feel most comfortable with.
I feel like we are in a no win situation. She gets away from the house for a few hours, or a few weeks, but never changes her behavior the next time a stressful close family interaction hits. She would rather live in another reality, where it’s everyone else that has the problem and not herself. It’s the medication, it’s the family, it’s the homework, it’s the lack of friends, it’s not having certain material items- but isn’t the central part to all of this the person herself?
Everyone in positions of power can give us all the advice in the world, but they don’t live my reality and I wish there would be something that would make her see she’s going down a path that isn’t going to give her a productive, comfortable and safe life. She could develop borderline personality disorder if she never lets people in. She could lead a life of continual trouble with the law, and I don’t want that for her. But I can’t take seeing my wife, my other daughter and I getting abused because of her angry outbursts.
I’ll have more to say about this at another time. We know this process takes hours and hours. By the time she’s seen, she’ll be tired and not give coherent answers. We hope that continual ER exposure with psych evaluations will lead to longer term placement or possible anger management services. Something has to change, because I don’t want to see the cohesion of our family destroyed due to the toxicity of one person.
Thank you for reading this, thank you for your support. Mental illness is a lifelong process without a straight path to success. My wife and I use our sense of humor and our patience to get us through the tough times. We will live to see another day and we will be stronger as a result.