We had a clinical plan meeting at my youngest daughter’s current treatment center this afternoon. The therapist mentioned the fact that due to our particular situation, we are much like the middle class- in limbo as far as her treatment. Our medical insurance will pay for services, but only if they see these same behaviors we see in the moment. Congratulations to us. She’s not going to display these aggressive, angry outbursts anywhere else but within the confines of our family. Since they don’t see it, they send her back home… and we prepare to start the cycle of getting our family back on track.
When we met with our youngest after the meeting, we asked her if she’s ready to change. We heard the famous phrase that absolves all responsibility: “I’ll try.” . Why do I have such a problem with this two word sentence? It gives the person an easy out to fail. It’s like saying I want to do it but I don’t think I can do it, so why bother even doing it? That’s why I fear she’ll return to a treatment center. How can you change when you haven’t been willing to put the crisis skills in practice with the family in those moments?
We feel caught, trapped in this race to get all of the services that we need for her success. I truly believe she’s got the emotions of love and anger confused in terms of a family environment. She wants to really love us and pull us closer, but doesn’t know how to without really blowing up. So we await her impending return this weekend, with a new medication change in place. We don’t know what the next few days will bring us, we shall see, as we prepare for heightened emotions all around.
We are going to put more after school help in place so that she gets the chance to be around other children and adults as well as hopefully give her new activities to thrive in. I want her to know she’s not alone in this. We still await neuro-psychological testing so that we can honestly see if there are communication problems with encoding and decoding information that she’s experiencing in a family setting. I don’t want us to be on our toes every day and night, wondering if the next instruction or choice with her will lead down a violent, angry path.
As you know, this is a work in progress. I think stability at this point would be very uncomfortable and a little scary for us to face. I really want things to work- but as everyone in clinical and therapy settings let’s us know, she’ll be ready when she’s ready on her terms. You just wish she would relax, gain comfort, and have fun. You have so many other worries to get through as an adult- let yourself be a child again. We are stable parents, we aren’t going anywhere and every time she needs help, we always get the best that we can.
More to talk about at another time- have a wonderful day everyone!