Who Deserves What

Today was another one of those days. If you have siblings of the same sex, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Especially if one is at least 3 years older than the other- jealousy rears its ugly head at least a few times in their development to adulthood.

My oldest came home from her friend’s house in a foul mood. Any type of conversation I had was met with a curt tone and choice, sarcastic words. I could feel the dagger penetrating my skull. At least she was kind enough to let me go to the grocery store first and get some kitchen staples like bread and milk before letting loose at home.

Apparently after all the slamming, screaming, language, walking away and coming back… she was upset that I went to visit her younger sister. She’s still in a treatment center. My wife and I currently make two visits a week to see her.

Within my oldest daughter’s mind, she doesn’t deserve to be seen by us. She should already be fixed, this is just more drama on her part for attention, and according to the laws of fairness, since my oldest figured out how to behave sooner, we should not visit her at all.

That’s not how life works though we explained to our oldest. You don’t give up on people if it takes them one time or a hundred thousand times to figure things out. When you learned to walk, you tripped, you got scrapes and bruises, you cried… and you kept your determination on high. When we are learning how to live in a family, you give all family members a fair shot. You look at where they are at and find a way to help them along.

So who deserves what? You get what you give. We have to work and scratch and claw for everything in life. I want my daughters to know that I love them even when they appear to be completely out of control. I’m aware of the fact that they are letting out in action what they fail to say out of their mouths. We end up having to read between the lines. Our great moments together are magnificent- and I choose to spend more time focusing on the fun and less on the pain.

I would love my oldest daughter to realize that her youngest daughter isn’t happy being angry at us- and if she could develop a more effective way to release her shame, guilt, and fear she would. We just meet them both where they are at, and keep plugging away to make tomorrow a better day than today.

So much for me getting a good nap today. I choose to zone out watching Family Jewels on A + E. Being a big Kiss fan growing up, it’s fun watching Gene Simmons as a father. The new season starts tonight, so I’m catching up on last season’s ending episodes. I’ll be back to work, reviewing more music and reading more books. We have a new book about borderline personality disorder that will help us with a new form of therapy we are going to be working on with our youngest.

Take care of yourselves and keep leading great lives. I continue to do the best job I can with the tools I’m given. Thank you friends, family, counselors, doctors, and especially my lovely wife- I couldn’t do 1/10th of the job without her comfort, her care, her love and her confidence in me.


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