Right now in my household, we have only my wife and I (along with the two cats) to keep us together. Both of my girls are getting the outside help they need for their mental health issues. It’s tough to speculate when exactly both of them started to go off the rails, but I know that with 6 plus months of chaos, eventually something had to happen.
They certainly can be upset with their current living situation- and yet the hope is they will take this time to reassess what they are doing and where they would like to go in the future. My oldest daughter seems to be playing more of a blame game than accepting what really happened- and we are going to struggle to get back together until she admits that many of her latest choices were not the safest and best choices to make. The placement where my youngest currently is seems to be experiencing many of the same behaviors we normally see in her- which shouldn’t surprise us as she’s now been away from our home for a couple of months.
How do I feel about all of this? Mixed emotions and blessings. I do want them home- but I know they can’t be here right now. If they can’t accept our rules as a safe and secure house, they need better outside support until they can. My wife and I should take this time to rebuild our resolve and also take the time to discuss where we want things to be when they both return.
I knew that some of this would happen as they became more comfortable with our lives. I wish they would accept our help when they are in crisis- and yet I understand their fears. If we as parents didn’t go through a lot of the trauma, the fear, the anger, the guilt, the shame- how could we possible know in their minds what they are going through when they experience flashbacks and fears? Unfortunately, therapists aren’t in our house 24/7 when the biggest crisis comes to their head and body- it’s my wife and I that have to keep them safe.
Even if I haven’t been blogging every day about this, I still write my thoughts in a daily journal. I think the support of my friends and family helps me get through the next day. I’m thankful for the great job I have, and the solitude really helps me get my mind and body back on the right track. If I could will them to get on the right track, I would.
I know though, they have to individually want to get better. They have to buy into a plan- something that my oldest admits is tough for her to do. She doesn’t like having others control her decision making- especially when she’s in trouble or turmoil. We want her to believe she can do it- or at least admit that she’s struggling and can accept help. I know that she’s done that successfully in the past- so we are just asking her to do this once again.
It’s not a sign of weakness to need help. We all need help in one way or another throughout our lives. We will visit them and remind them of our love and support this weekend. I’ll close my eyes and think of their loving voices as I go to sleep.