Do you ever wish you could step out of your own way? I’m sure you notice times in your life where as much as you want to change your outcomes, nothing seems to be going your way. I think there’s a certain level of comfort in repeating past errors- as we know what exactly we will get, and if the pay off isn’t too damaging, why bother changing?
My oldest daughter seems to be struggling with this concept. I don’t think she notices she’s in a similar pattern of behavior that she had before she decided it was important to be in a family. She would push people away as they would get closer to her- not physically, but with her words and her actions. She played the stand off girl, protector of her head and heart. By having her guard up, she didn’t have to let people in- and she wouldn’t be hurt as a result.
We are patient and we want her to know that she needs to work on herself while she’s in treatment for her mental health issues. Everyone else around her environment doesn’t have the same interests in her level of care that her parents do. Yet she’ll get sucked into the client drama that comes into play, and we can’t help her if she attempts to take matters into her own hands rather than minding her own business and doing what she needs to do to come back to our home.
There will be people jealous of you in the world. Always. How you perceive this jealousy and react to it makes all the difference in the world. If people see they can get to you, they will continue to do more of the same. If they sense that what they are doing isn’t working, they’ll move on to other people. My oldest daughter has a strong personality- and we welcome it often but when she’s in highly structured environments, she needs to learn when to let things go and when she needs to speak up so that she can make the necessary changes to return home.
I don’t like seeing her stuck in negative behavior. I’m hoping that there will be a new eureka moment where she realizes it’s not getting her closer to where she wants to go. She’ll gain more respect and get further in life the more she realizes that people are here to help her, not harm her. I may not have gone through what she’s gone through, but I know that as a human being we need to feel appreciated, loved, and respected- and she deserves all of this and more.
She’s made part of the start by apologizing to us as parents for her recent upswing in behaviors. Now if we can get to the roots of the current causes and find an appropriate plan that she’s willing to follow through on, we can successfully begin the road to recovery. I don’t want her to feel like she’s failing as a child. I want her to learn from these choices so that when she reaches adulthood, she understands that you can have emotions and learn how to channel them successfully so as to not harm yourself or others in your immediate environment.
It may be scary, but if you keep repeating the same errors, what’s wrong with forging a completely new path? Find others who’ve been successful at conquering certain challenges and follow those steps on the way to recovery. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel- you just have to find a plan that works.