You are only as old you feel in your mind and body. If that’s the case, I’m fairly certain I feel like I’ve gone through a lifetime of events in the shortest period of time ever. I learn, I live, I love, and I move forward. Parenting has to be the most challenging and rewarding job on this planet. Blending together the personalities of two children who came from two different birth families and making us a unit hasn’t been the easiest job in the world.
We are learning what works better with our youngest daughter. Thanks to a battery of testing that we’ve been pushing for years to have doctors conduct, we are learning that there are certain parts of the mind that have difficulty processing instructions- or even knowing how to get started on certain projects. When you think the brain and body aren’t making connections due to one reason (i.e. laziness) and you learn that actually it’s the mind getting stuck due to a coding and processing disorder, you can at least learn the proper way to help get things done without a tantrum or frustration as a result.
How do I feel about this new discipline? I’m happy to know that it’s not a question of will, it’s more a question of understanding, encoding and proper instruction. Will there be times when one or both of us forget and revert back to old ways? Probably. Mistakes can be made, we learn and grow stronger from them. I want my daughters to know that I’m willing to put in the work for us to build bigger bonds of trust and love- overcome this period of time where we haven’t been together.
Unlike a few months ago where she made it blatantly obvious that she didn’t want me around, we are having better conversations and she’s not fearful of our time together. I want her to know how very sorry I am that she had to go through a lot of the trauma, turmoil, and upheaval that a young child should never have to experience.
In a sense she had to become older in protecting herself and fending for her needs far earlier than a child should ever have to do. Taking that back must be difficult for her- so many people have disappointed her through the years with promises and follow through that even if we’ve been around for a number of years, the negative outcomes outweigh any of the positives.
In a few more days she’ll be coming home from her current star bed placement into our home permanently. We will begin again the process of in house therapy and she’ll have a mentor who will also help. I’m sensing that she wants to be with a family. She knows it’s hard work, as do my wife and I as parents. We believe all of the benefits can be a strong enough impetus to keep her behavior on the right path. If all parties want to be in a loving, committed relationship- it will thrive.
As always, this continues to be a work in progress. Have a wonderful day as you read this, keep smiling and be sure to catch people doing something good today- and acknowledge them in public as they do this.