Ponder This

Where would we be if we could re-invent our lives? Have you ever thought about certain momentous decisions that took your life in a direction you never imagined? Are there times in your life that you ponder and wrestle around in your head certain “What if?” scenarios?

I think when we are feeling overwhelmed at what life throws at us, we do wish we could step off and start all over again. We need to remember that there’s a definite reason why the challenges are put before us to overcome, learn from and conquer. I’ve learned so much about life through how my children handle their lives- how often they give up on themselves and need the care and push from my wife and I to realize they will survive and they can make it successfully through whatever problem or challenge that’s put in front of them.

My oldest daughter doesn’t handle a number of changes or worries in her life well. She tends to magnify the impact, or play worst case scenario in her head- so her answer to the challenge is to blow up, run away in her mind from the situations and push people away with her words and actions. It’s part of her personality that she’s working on- because she’s been quick to apologize and explain herself better over the past month than at any point in her life.

She’s moving into a new chapter of her therapy. Her long time therapist is moving into private practice and will no longer be able to see her. She established a seven year relationship with this therapist, one that took a few months to establish but has blossomed. We know that she fears that her new clinician will not be able to help her as well as the old therapist could.

Any of these changes usually trigger doubt towards us sticking around for the long haul too. It’s amazing how the mind takes one loss and spills it into another, isn’t it? Even though we’ve made sure to take her phone calls, accompany her to her appointments and meetings, and have longer visits as the weeks pass by- she still thinks that we could just drop her as a daughter.

Could I go back and predict that when each daughter moved into the house, we would face all the chaos and turbulence we’ve endured this year? No- but I wouldn’t want to change what has happened. I know that as children these feelings needed to come out in some way. It may not have been the healthiest of ways- but in order to heal, we need to take the trauma, the guilt, the pain and pour it out somehow in order to forge the best life.

So if you take the time to ponder certain things, understand that we have to live in the here and now with where we are at. Sure, you may think it’s time wasted if you’ve been in a long term relationship that ended unsuccessfully, or you’ve struggled to make ends meet in this economy, or you went for years working at jobs that didn’t meet your desired personal satisfaction. I choose to look at the experiences from another perspective- how it’s made me grow, learn and understand what I’m capable of and what I can endure.

I think people often doubt their inner strength and capabilities. We can do so much more if we just give ourselves the credit and chance to do so.

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